I have been fighting this emptiness within me for about a year and it really escalated when I returned to work from my Christmas vacation. I knew something hasn't been right for a while and during my vacation, I faced the reality that I was no longer feeling spiritually or creatively fulfilled at work. Coming back to work after realizing this only made it harder for me to get up, get dress and get to work on time. My poor boss, a former therapist popped into my office cheerful and asked me if I was happy to be back and work and I broke down in tears and said no. He was sweet enough to talk to me and he told me it's hard coming back from what you want your life to be (vacation mode) and reality (work mode). The more I thought about it the more it made sense. During my vacation I was able to spend time with loved one who I rarely got to see, have our home better organized and less stressful for Jack, took better care of myself, and had time to read and reflect. When I am working my life looks more like a blur and sadness that I don't feel fulfilled. Our marriage seems to be a little more stressed and our quality time seems to be less frequent. I realized on that Monday morning, that I wanted to follow my heart and be an at home wife. This was something that we have talked about once we had kids and Jack was finally okay with that decision, but how would I ever convenience him to let me do that now? I didn't want to be a fictional 50's housewife, bored all day and waiting for Jack to come home where I'm wearing a pearl and holding a martini as he walks through the door. Not that neither of us would mind that once in a while! I wanted to stay home a follow my passion, for the first time I wanted to do something that brought meaning to my life. I wanted to donate more time to my Parish, to my creative side, and to this blog. I started to realize I have always lived my life trying to please someone else and meet their expectation for me and I began to ask what about what I want?
