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Is anyone still working on their New Year's resolution? Studies show that most people give up by January 12th or 15th. In all honesty, I haven't even started mine for the year. I gave myself the last week off. I wanted to relax and enjoy the last week of winter break with Andrew. My mom even took him for two nights, and it was incredible to sleep in and have the whole day to pamper myself, watching Christmas Hallmark movies while sipping peppermint mocha coffee and eggnog. I needed it. Christmas was hard this year, and I still don’t fully understand why. I knew I needed to be in the right mindset before even trying to implement any new habits. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, and when I feel like I messed up, I quit. Then, a few months later, I tried again until I messed up and quit again. This is my cycle. I'm sure it looks familiar to a lot of people. Working with a therapist for the last several months, I realized that not only do I have the fear of failure stopping me from doing things, but I am actually more afraid of disappointment. Sometimes from others but mostly with myself, like I'm not following through with what I want for myself, things that are put on my heart for a reason. I let one little slip mess up any progress I've made just to try to motivate myself to start again a few months down the road. This same therapist reminded me that success is not a straight path; there are all sorts of stops, turns, U-turns, and roundabouts. The goal isn't perfectionism; it's progress. Any progress is moving me a little closer to the life I want.
Some people decide to have a word that represents their desires for that year. For a few years, I used the word intentionality, and last year was the first time I felt like I was intentional in a lot of areas of my life. I focused on what was right in front of me. I didn't get everything I wanted done last year, but I feel like my relationships with family and friends and with God grew stronger and started to heal. I challenged myself to be intentional about regularly attending adoration and confessions. I went every month last year to learn not to be scared of confession (remember, I'm a protestant convert) and to spend time with Jesus, bringing everything on my mind to Him. And it worked. I saw a difference in myself, and other people saw a difference too.
This year, I decided I wanted my word to be "consistency". I know that path isn't going to be straight, so I have to just keep moving. I have to be consistent. Consistent with what I fuel my body with, moving my body, and what I am letting into my mind. No more negative thoughts or self-sabotaging; no more giving up after I had a hard day and went to McDonald’s to fill the void; no more quitting when I miss one day on my workout routine; and especially no more giving up when I don’t see results fast enough. I just need to be consistent and take the next small step, and the next, and the next, to hopefully, with God’s grace and mercy, get to where I need to be.
Some people decide to have a word that represents their desires for that year. For a few years, I used the word intentionality, and last year was the first time I felt like I was intentional in a lot of areas of my life. I focused on what was right in front of me. I didn't get everything I wanted done last year, but I feel like my relationships with family and friends and with God grew stronger and started to heal. I challenged myself to be intentional about regularly attending adoration and confessions. I went every month last year to learn not to be scared of confession (remember, I'm a protestant convert) and to spend time with Jesus, bringing everything on my mind to Him. And it worked. I saw a difference in myself, and other people saw a difference too.
This year, I decided I wanted my word to be "consistency". I know that path isn't going to be straight, so I have to just keep moving. I have to be consistent. Consistent with what I fuel my body with, moving my body, and what I am letting into my mind. No more negative thoughts or self-sabotaging; no more giving up after I had a hard day and went to McDonald’s to fill the void; no more quitting when I miss one day on my workout routine; and especially no more giving up when I don’t see results fast enough. I just need to be consistent and take the next small step, and the next, and the next, to hopefully, with God’s grace and mercy, get to where I need to be.